i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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