And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
