you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
