bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
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