So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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