you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
