So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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