Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
