Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
