He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
