New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
