I'm really into asian looking animals
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
