I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
