Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
