i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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