Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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