for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
