He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
