why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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