so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
