Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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