FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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