The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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