Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
