I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
