tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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