is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
