I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
