i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
