Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
