I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
