I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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