i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
