I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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