Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
