Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no, he came in my armpit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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