he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
