i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
