I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
