New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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