sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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