Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
