Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
