So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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