I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
