Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
