I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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