How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
