Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
