I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
