i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
